Struggle

Lately things have been at their worst. I've been feeling absolutely horrible with nausea and headaches. They come and go and just drive me insane. I'm somewhat under a bit of stress right now and it's really taking a huge impact on me emotional, mentally, and physically. I'm done with my homework and just trying to relax watching Ghost Hunters International. I had an exam tonight and my brain is just all over the place. I haven't been able to focus on a lot of things because there is so much I have packed onto my agenda and it's just really tough at the moment. Anthony and I aren't doing so well at all. We've hit a huge road block and it's been the toughest yet that I've seen us go through. Sadly I don't really know what to do, but that's okay. Because God is my biggest challenge and number one in my life and if I trust in him and believe that will patience and will I'd be able to make it through. At times I just want to give up, but what I really need is that extra push of faith to carry me through this journey that I've been struggling through for a while now. I really just need to step up my game and start taking care of myself for what I really am instead of ignoring the person that I am and want to be. I realized that if I don't start taking care of myself I'll never be able to take care of others. My life reflects my own image, but what I do for other people reflects the my heart and what I want to give others. I've just emotionally been a complete wreck and just not handling myself or keeping stuff away from others out of embarrassment. I guess it all leads back to casting my cares on Jesus and keeping the faith I have no matter what. I need to keep my head up and not be afraid of things that always seem to come my way. I know I have the ability and somehow I always forget how important I am in life as a human being. When things look dim and I feel like I'm at my end, somehow I remind myself of what a better person I am and always will become. I know I can do this, but I remember that faith is walking without seeing. I need to remind myself to have faith in everything I do and say because I never know when I'll change someone's life or be a great inspiration to them. But all in all I have to remember to love myself even for my imperfections and remember that it's okay to laugh and smile even through the worst times. I know my heart and it gleams with joy and love, but I just can't keep letting myself down.
 Tears may fall at my left and to my right, but I always remember with those tears rolling down my cheek God is always at thy right hand. And it takes that amount of thought to take that right hand and wipe those tears away. My life is full of love and it means more than life to me.