Thank You Marine Corps Giving Me an Amazing Best Friend

I couldn't be any happier that my love has been the most amazing best friend to me and loves me. He has no clue how much he is changed, grown, and become even more sillier than usual. Brightens my day and puts a smile on my face even when I'm down or falling half way asleep. During those long nights of homework his phone calls are always a pick me up and even when things in my life seem low. I couldn't see myself in a much happier place besides out of my living situation right now. My life is amazing with him there and I wouldn't see it any other way.

Tears and the Road Ahead

I decided to sleep in later than usual on Saturday. I didn't have much to do, but just had a rough night last night. I'm surprised I didn't cry last night because people are taken others for granted and it's so crazy how we easily get caught up in who we are. Just something about today, I just really needed to be a peace and just hold myself together. It was tough to roll out of bed and get myself together. I decided to go to the store and buy a thing or two that I thought was appropriate to help keep my mind off things. School and my own personal life is a lot to handle and I'm so proud that I am able to manage it well. I was reading Chicken Soup for the Soul and I got through the first story and just tears ran down my face. I've learned to love and appreciate everything and breath of life that is given. You never know when this would all be taken from you. I know my strength and weaknesses and just at times I feel weak and crumble, but still stand strong no matter how dumb I feel, weak, embarrassed or idiotic I look. God gives us the most precious thing in the world and that is the gift of life. That life is something so beautiful and gorgeous that when it's gone the pain is the worst. Getting through the day and the future I know I'll have. My love is everything to me and I miss him more and more each day. But another day that passes is another day closer to him. I just don't want to live my life. I want to embrace it with wide open arms nothing could ever replace the past moments. The future has so much to offer even when things look low.

Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.

Dag Hammarskjold

Deployment and Moving Here We Come

Geez. So my life has been absolutely crazy these past few weeks and it has been crazy ridiculous. My blog is going to be super short because I have groceries and school to work on and figure out. But all in all my life hasn't been that bad at all and I'm still making it through and surviving my day. Well with finals coming up, moving, and work I'm going to be super busy and still pushing it through the next coule of weeks.

Not a Good Day

I'm feeling not so good today at all and really don't know what to do about it. I was up all night until around 5 am because I had this terrible Charlie Horse aka leg and feet cramps that wouldn't let up for an hour. I had horrible stomach pains that are still existing now and it's killing me inside. I had a few plans today but not going to happen if this pain won't let up anytime soon. I have no idea what to do because the pain really sucks and is no fun at all. Of course I've taken some Aleve and tried to just relax, but it's just not helping. I don't know what to do and just want to crawl back in bed to sleep, then obviously nothing would ever get down so that is out of the picture. Then the whole government shut down over the budget I'm not going to even talk about it or discuss it because there has already been enough said about it. I just hope and pray things will get better and they do get better over time. Now time to plan for studying and try to feel better and eat.

I'm Not Alright

Lately I've been surrounded by a lot of people from where I walk, eat, live, and breath, but I feel like shit in this world. It's so frustrating because no one understands things or I feel like I made myself look really dumb. I guess from a mellow weekend the pace is starting to pick up and I'm in freak out mode. I just really want to focus on school and making sure I keep up with my life but I have so many other things coming up that I need to do. I'm just letting things bring me down. This deployment is really kicking me in the rear and it's just hard because I have to deal with his family and that is something I gave up dealing with last year because it was too much stress on me and he saw that too. I know that God will bring me through everything and I'll be okay. Just tough to see the outcome when things look bleak.

Better Day

So today I woke up and got ready to head to the gym. First time in two weeks and boy did I really need it. I absolutely love going to the gym, eating, and staying fit. My vegetarian diet has come along amazingly, but what I'm really looking forward to is seeing my love in a few weeks. Finally our 5 day vacation with each other before he deploys. I haven't really been social or wanting to be social because I've been wanting to really focus on my studies and be very successful. I still have math homework, psychology to finish studying for, and latin homework to do which I'll start after I finish this blog. UK plays UCONN tonight so I'm definitely watching the game. I hope and pray that they win, I'm not a huge UK sports fan, but I support my school that's for sure. My knee was starting to kill me on the cycling machine so I guess it's time to get that all wrapped up before it starts to swell too bad. I guess playing soccer for over a decade has worn my poor bad knee out, but it will all be okay. I keep having this bad thought that I'll loose my special engraved wedding band. I've lost my first ring my love ever gave me and that horrible when I had to make that phone call. I'm pretty sure I cried first before calling, it was a horrible mess and I didn't even get another ring until Valentine's day. My post today seems so sporadic because my mind is definitely homework bound right now. I've also been wanting to try some stuffed peppers and tonight for dinner I'm making a shrimp salad so hopefully it comes out great. My scripture for today is Isiah 54:17- No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
      And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
      You shall condemn.
      This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
      And their righteousness is from Me,”
      Says the LORD.

Tired

I've been feeling really horrible lately and just super tired. I'm avoiding my homework that I know needs to be done tonight, but I'm just always sleepy and I've slept in all this weekend. I just feel as if I never get enough sleep and there is always something that needs to be done. I just haven't been myself lately at all. Just really stressed about with finding a place for August to live. Moving out, then Anthony leaving, and then taking some classes. I honestly wish homework or school didn't exist nor work because I'm super exhausted and definitely need a huge break from everything. Just hate things suck like they do now. I really hope and pray they get much better.