Make Sense

I'm trying to make sense of everything that has been going on but i guess there is some progress. i never would want to give myself false hope which i know i'm leading to. i find it hard not knowing what will come next. it gets pretty tough for me but most people don't know it. i know i'm hiding my true feelings and holding back a lot that i shouldn't. Sam figured out that i still loved you and it's pretty much written all over my face. the ring i haven't figured out what to do with it yet. you never asked for it back even though i wanted to give it back. i don't know if you made me keep it out of spite or for the sake of your own self. i already see you 3 times a week which makes it hurt even worse sometimes. you still have that silly grin on your face when you see me. i just look blank and maybe give a half smile. i think maybe there is some hope for this lost cause but then when i look at the big picture it doesn't appear that way to me. i think about you everyday and still make the best of it without you. i thank God everyday for his grace and blessings he has put on my life and being there for me when i needed him most. He never left me and i'm glad to have him where i treasure him most in my heart.without my friends i really don't know where i would be or how far i would have come. i still find reasons to smile everyday becaue without a smile my life wouldn't be the same. i feel like i'm starting to be myself and making the best of it. there will always be a part of me that wishes we could be back together. the other part of me gives up completely and never sees anything. the way you looked at me and smiled and waved seemed like there was something else. i swear you looked so sad but i can't figure it out even though i try to make sense of it all. when you left it was like that smile left your face. i thought you were dating another girl and i may be right., just haven't figured it out yet. i don't understand why your always in the gym while us girls workout. i mean every single time i see you there i hate your guts even more. it just pisses me off and every memory begins to haunt me and it starts to suck. i feel like just crying and kicking your ass but i just hold back. you never wanted to tell me the truth about what really happened. i wish we would have talked about it like we do everything else. but you never bothered to ask me anything or be honest with me about somethings, same goes for me. i just feel that there is something you want to say to me and it's all in your eyes and written on your face. i just wish there was a way. i know things will work out itself and i just have take each day one step at a time.